My Friend Asked for My Baby Clothes and Stuff?
I have a friend. She’s a good friend of mine, but she’s somewhat insane. She has a daughter who is like 18 months. My son is 2.5 months, and since I was pregnant with him my friend has had like 4 boyfriends. She is currently living with her father (her daughters grandfather) and has also moved her (married but divorcing) boyfriend into her father’s two bedroom apartment as well, so her, her daughter, and the boyfriend are living in one room…oh, and boyfriend doesn’t own a car so my friend drives him around. They’ve been dating about 3 weeks and she tells me about Riley climbing into bed with them (he’s not Rileys dad…and like I said this is her 4th boyfriend in less than a year and she has taken her daughter around ALL of them). Now, she has talked about having more kids with 3 out of the 4 boyfriends this year. Her and the flavor of the week have decided they want to "make" a boy (she wants to get pregnant in october so she will get a decent maternity leave). She asked me to "save" my son’s baby clothes and other misc for her since they are planning a boy. Now, I am all for hand-me-downs, but we were planning on keeping his stuff in case we have another sometime (in the distant future…and for the record we have been together for 3 years). Now, I would be fine with her "borrowing" his stuff and returning it to me when she’s done, but I mean she’s so unstable that I don’t think I would get it back.
I don’t want her to think that I am just not giving her stuff because I don’t condone her (disgusting) behavior with all these guys and her daughter being brought into the whole freak show, but I also don’t want to give her my stuff and never see it again. We dress our son very nicely (most of his stuff is like gap, gymbo, and designer labels) and I would hate to have to re-buy everything if we end up having another boy.
And quite frankly, I don’t want to make it any easier for them to mess up another child’s life by having a child out of craziness and on a whim. I feel so bad for Riley all the time, she’s 18 months and has had countless men in her life, they never stay long, and her real dad is in jail. I worry about her because I don’t know if these guys are creeps or normal (you never really know) and I am just sickened that her mom isn’t more careful about bringing people into her life. I am not saying her mom needs to be married ( I am not married), but would it kill her to only have babies with people she’s been with long term?
Anyway, how do I handle this situation tactfully? I try not to voice my opinion on her life to her, but in this case she hasn’t given me many options because she’s asking for my stuff, which I may be able to use later, and I don’t want to condone her behavior.
Ebony’s Mom- You’re right, its not my problem. I just need to stop worrying about her. I didn’t get any hand-me-downs from my friends (fine by me, we have more than enough stuff). But the same friend in question did tell me (I didn’t ask) that we could have her jumperoo, then once I counted on receiving that (so didn’t register for one) she sold it. So I can’t feel bad about telling her no, I will just be up front with her.
don’t let her borrow it, you either won’t get it back or it will be ruined. I would just tell her that your keeping all of you stuff. I’m keeping all of my stuff and I have made that clear to my friends that are having babies, they could probably use it but it’s not my problem, i know that sounds mean.
I would just simply say "I would, but we are saving our baby items for children in the future." That should be the end of it. You could also just dig through your clothes and find pieces that are not that important to you and give those to her…
Just tell her you are planning on having another child and you’re going to be needing everything. Plus, you know how quickly clothes get ruined by kids spitting up and stuff and don’t want anything getting ruined if she were to just "borrow" it. (sounds like if she does ask to just borrow it- you’ll never see your stuff again)
Meatloaf had a good idea- why don’t you find somethings that you won’t miss and give them to her…and think of the innocent baby…not HER! LOL!!
Just don’t talk about it then if she does happen to bring it up or gets pregnant then you can just say well all of it is put in storage (something along those lines) because we are saving it if we have another baby, or you can say your sister or your boyfriends sister is having a boy and borrowed everything from you because she doesn’t have much. you can say another friend of yours if she knows your family.
well- i would just tell her "uh ok" bc as flighty as she sounds with mean, she prob will be moving on to another one soon and hopefully she wont get preggo. do what prob alot of moms do- save all your favs and ones that you would reuse again and the ones you dont think you will keep just bag up and save those for her. if your her friend, you kinda have to support her in her life too the way she does for you. you dont have to agree with it but a true friend is there for you. i would let her make her own decisions and just be the friend. you can distance yourself a little from it. but no, you do not have to give anythign to anyone. and you shoudl explain toher that there are certain outfits you are keeping for him and next baby that are just too special. like i said. ooooorrrrr- just tell her you have already promised to give them to a fam member or something. ph and dont ever let someone "borrow" something. you shouldnt give anyone anything that you expect yo get back because most of the time you will end up dissappointed or pissed.
when my SIL asked my neice for her outgrown baby clothes my neice said "oh, we plan on having more kids, so we are holding onto our clothes until we are all done" ( she is pregnant for the 3rd time in less than 4 years).Something like this lets her know that you are not giving your clothes to ANYONE until you are done with them—not even as a loan. It does not have to be about her "flavor of the month" lifestyle ( my sister is like that, but I call it "man of the month") at all.
That is so sad for her to confuse that child so. Im sure her child will have attachment issues in the future after having so many people paraded in and out of its life like that.
I would simply tell her that you are keeping the clothing for personal reasons and leave it at that. If she wants to argue or make you feel guilty then that is on her, not you. If she is truly in need there are several organizations that can help her to get clothing for her children, which honestly should be her concern more over finding new boyfriends.
I don’t think you should feel pressured into giving her YOUR things. Just tell her that your planning on having more children and want to keep the baby things you have as "like new" as possible so you don’t have to spend a lot of money re-buying new things. I mean, it sounds like you want to keep your stuff no matter what anyway, regardless of her situation. I’m not a big fan of letting people borrow baby items anyway. Babies are so messy, you never know what is going to come out of them. Some moms that are super clean, organized, stable, and responsible still can’t keep baby items in good condition. Not to mention the amount of times these things go through the washer. I think you should just put your foot down and tell her NO.
Be honest, tell her you are planning on more children down the road and you want to save your baby stuff. You are not obligated to give her anything. Some people just expect favors and hand outs and thats not right. Also remind her that theres no guarentee she’d have a boy anyway. If and when the time comes you could take her to a nice consignment shop to get baby clothes. I got most of my baby clothes gently used for very little money at a consignment shop.
I definitely do not agree with her lifestyle choice. She needs to be in a stable relationship and have her own apartment and space. The best you can do is pray she doesn’t conceive at this point and that she grows up and takes care of the child she already has. Most "normal" guys would want privacy and stability.
I think the clothes and the condoning of the behaviour are two separate issues here. As for the clothes, just tell her straight out that you want to keep them in case you have another boy. Maybe give her a couple of things as a token, so she doesn’t feel too put out, but certainly tell her that she’s jumping the gun a bit getting the clothes because she’s planning a boy-even if she becomes pregnant it may still be a girl.
Don’t worry about the clothes seeming like you’re condoning the behaviour as I doubt the clothes will make any difference to her ultimate decision.
As for the other issue, that of your concerns over your friends behaviour, while you are bound to have worries and concerns over your friends actions, there is little you can actually do except try to encourage her to understand the risks that she is taking. Maybe remind her that she has had 3 other guys this year and that each of them seemed perfect at the time. Ask her if she’s sure this one’s a keeper and how she knows. This may make her think about the situation more analytically and discourage rash decisions.
Finally, do you have any reason to think that the child is in danger? Is the mother and extraordinarily bad judge of character. If so, then you should warn her, as a friend, that if she puts her child in danger she may end up losing her.
It does sound like your friend has issues, feeling like she ‘needs’ a man. She probably thinks that she is doing a good thing for her daughter, providing a father figure.
At the end of the day, no relationship is guaranteed, whether long or short term, but maybe you could subtly advise her that she may limit the emotional damage of her daughter if she gives these guys a trial period before introducing them to her duaghter.
awww poor riley
=(
just tell her youd like to let her borrow it but that since you are planning on having more children, you are saving it. And if she says that she’ll return it, just tell her that they sell nice cheap clothe at walmart, that thats where you got most of yours.